Shopping Alone

I know that I use this blog mostly for talking about my writing, but now it is time for me to bring in my life as a military wife again.


I am currently going through what almost all military wives will eventually struggle with, deployment. I have been through the literature and that fun advice that everyone gives you. While nice and all, it doesn't really prepare you for being alone with only a dog. It would be lovely if there was information targeted towards childless wives, but alas there is not. They just kind of lump you in with those that have one to twenty screaming brats. I don't have any yet. Like I said, it's just me and the dog.


I've summed it up to being much like this: It's like living single, but with none of the benefits. I shop alone, make my own messes, clean up just such messes and the dog's, sleep alone, and sit in one super unsettling silence. The worst part is that the housing gave us a four bedroom place (I won't call it a house since it's part of a duplex) that once seemed so wonderful, but is now too big for just me. It's lonely.


Despite what I said above, I have been handling it well until I undertook my first big deployed spouse task, grocery shopping. For one. The routine I once had was blown out of the water in my new need for single portions. I spent a good part of an hour staring at shelves and glass-faced coolers trying to figure out what to get without killing myself with sodium.


I will let you know how cooking single portions goes, because that is certainly going to be a fun challenge.


Aside from the food selection issue, a thought smacked into me with the force of a truck. Shopping for one person, when it should be two, is depressing. I knew that as I pushed my cart around the commissary people could tell I was shopping for one person. It saddened me. It should be two, two people, not one.


Living by yourself when there used to always be another person around is a shock. There really aren't any other words for it. Even if you have a job or a hobby to fill your time, in between there are still the quiet spaces. It's those spaces in which you can hear the air conditioner, the fridge, and the noises  your dog makes when he's sleeping. That's when I realize it's time to go bang on some pots because my husband isn't here to do it for me.


This is certainly going to be an interesting ride.

All I Want for Christmas is Electricity

It's Christmas Eve today, and I'm now living in a hotel. Don't worry, it is temporary. Unfortunate, but temporary. How did I end up in this situation? The little substation that powers our grid flooded with water and blew, so now 60 houses have no power for the holidays. Yes, 60 houses filled with young families, many of them with children. I am grateful that I do not have to pay for this room that I type this from now, or that the rest of the families living here do not either, but my, what a shitty first Christmas.


It all started when my husband's pay was screwed up. Money was tight and I started to look for a job. I couldn't even afford decorations for the holidays. Then he didn't get the time off to see our families for Christmas because someone didn't send him, and the rest of dayshift, the email they needed. Things started to look up when I got my job at the bowling alley. After New Years things wouldn't be so tight financially because I was now helping out, but then yesterday morning there was no electricity. My husband's alarm didn't go off, and he ended up late to work along with the rest of the guys who live down the street from us. With no power, there was no heat. We spent the night huddled under piles of blankets trying to sleep. It was warmer outside than it was in our house.


This morning my husband called me from work to tell me that the inn on base was handing out free rooms, and here I am after wonderful help from a couple young ladies at the counter. At first I thought I was screwed, there was no room for us, but then they worked to find a place for me and my sweetie. I really couldn't appreciate them more.


The bad news is that they don't know when the power will be fixed. Rumor says it may only be a couple days to a week. Poor kids. I wish I could do something to make Christmas better for them and their families. At least they have a warm roof over their heads for the holidays.


Merry Christmas

The Noises I Hear

I live on a military base in a house up against an elementary school. Every day I hear the children playing in the school yard now that the new school year is started. I can hear the bell that rings every morning at eight thirty calling them to class. I can here the teacher's whistles as they line up their wards during physical education. I hear when the school day ends, but that is not all I hear.

My environment has changed. The only things I heard through the walls of the house I lived in growing up was the wail of sirens from police cars and ambulances, or the tuned motor of a car or motorcycle. There was the occasional sound of a plane flying over. Maybe a person making a U-turn in the front yard since we had no sidewalk, only gravel.

Now there is the whining of cargo plane engines. My husband sits next to me and tells me their names. He tells me why he knows which ones they are. It is because of a whine they make, high pitched and piercing. Its different from engine to engine. I lie in bed and hear them taking off and landing. The line is nowhere near my house, yet they are still loud enough to hear. They are loud enough for him to know.

There is the clack clack clack of a train over tracks that run through the base. I hear it at night mingling with the whine of the engines.

There is the Big Voice being tested. The bell that rings from the towers that run down the streets break through the walls as if it is joining me in the living room or bed room. The ringing ends and a voice crackles from the speakers. To hear this I must stick my head out the door and strain my senses, otherwise it is only static. When the towers ring I dream of worlds thought up in science fiction stories where an unnamed person speaks to the masses to make them hear. I hear, but I can't understand what they are saying.

These are the noises I hear.